hot take: moms need to learn how to listen to and comfort their daughters without making everything about their own traumas
a classic example
daughter: hey this thing you do bothers me very much and i wish you wouldn’t do it
mom: well my parents abused me and im not even as bad as they were and i had to sit through it so you gotta sit through whatever i do to you too
a common variant
mom: well i’m having a really hard time right now and you know that i’m doing my best and that i didn’t mean to hurt you ergo you are in fact the asshole for asking me to consider your feelings and change my behavior during this hard hard time i’m having
least favorite
mom: fine. you’re right and i’m wrong and i’m a horrible person. there. are you happy now?
see also
mom: you can’t be mad at me. you’re not allowed to be mad at me. i can’t stand it.
Yeah this is just straight-up emotional abuse. It’s not uncommon for moms to confuse “emotional closeness” with demanding their children caretake for them emotionally, or just having no boundaries. And “have you considered that you are in fact the abusive one” is bog-standard DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).
Women also make the mistake that because we are frequent targets for abuse, we cannot be abusive ourselves. WOMEN CERTAINLY CAN BE ABUSIVE, especially towards children society has historically said we ought to have the power of life and death over, and who tradition says should be 100% subservient to us.
